My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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