ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
