just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.