Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.