you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.