I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.