so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment