Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
