Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
