you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
