its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
