Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
