A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
