he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
