seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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