I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
