I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
