I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
