Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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