At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
