i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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