I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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