It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
