In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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