so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
