there's paper in my vomit.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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