just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
