So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
