ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
