I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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