after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
