is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
