i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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