Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to make out with him forever
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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