Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
