And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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