Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
