You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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