Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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