we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
