im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She bit a glass in half.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
