You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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