Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
