No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
