What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
