'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
