You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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