I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
