But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
