Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why didn't you poke me back
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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