weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
