Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My bed smells like the plague
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
