my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
