You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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