quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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