Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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