You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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