i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
