so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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