So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
