The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
