Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
