I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
