you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
