my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's the barista slut.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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