...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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