I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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