maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
