Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
