Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
