it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
