so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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