Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
