i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
