Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
