if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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