After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
