it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
